greetings dear self. i know clearly that i dont have any followers... not that only i do not have followers, i also dont have readers. so basically this is just me letting my self out. i am pretty much in my worst condition now. never have i ever felt this shitty for the past few years. i know my life is not easy when i compared it to the others, yet, i know i am a strong girl who will always survive. but this time around, everthing was like pulling me down. i never felt this miserable and to top it of, i am all ALONE and LONELY.
since this was already berhabuk and i know for sure nobody would read it, i will say the truth. i am giving up with my life. i broke up with my bf for a year and i do not know why im back with him. is this love? im confused. i begged him for almost a year and after a long painful ego-reducing journey, he accepted me. yet, lately, something bad crossed my mind. i love him but i am not sure if he is the one. since i begged for him, he thinks that he is needed, he feels superior than me to which, i feel like he didnt love me anymore. those attention, affection and communication between us,for me, is not purely because we love each other. it is more to him feeling OBLIGATED to respond because i am his gf. not more than that. or maybe, it is all due to the fact that he feels indebted to me. i dont know.
tbh, i am sad. nope.. i am beyond sad. i have nobody other than him. i know that me being clingy with him annoys him.. im sorry im selfish but idk.. i have given him more than i own.. im in pain, he never knew.. he used to be my life saver, my misery's distractor, my tears' wiper and my nightmares' stopper but now, i am back to square one where i feel like i only have myself, which kills me day by day...
